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Saturday, December 17, 2011

Hey, That's Life...

Everyone says it at least once in their life; more likely most of us say it often. Someone has a bad day and our response usually hovers around one of the most overused phrases of all time "Hey, that's life" we say as we shrug. We do this a lot in our life throughout various different points of our life. We get a bad grade "Hey, that's life." We get treated unfairly "Hey, that's life." We get sick and have to miss our favorite event "Hey, that's life."

I'm pretty tired of "Hey, that's life" and it frankly just pisses me off. Hence, why I'm here. I'm no stranger to blogs or facebook notes, or things of that nature. I've done if before, I'll likely do it again; it's just that throughout this past week (and throughout my life) "Hey, that's life" has appeared for too often for my liking.

I'll admit, I'm a screw up. I do it massively, on a daily basis, and often in one day. I think things, I say things, and I do things I just hate myself for later. It's a common occurrence for all of us, but for me, it feels like it's a constant 24/7 marathon of just unbelievably awesome screw up moments. I could literally spend hours, if not days, writing the long, long list of fantastic screw up moments in my life, but I'll spare you all that.

Let's just start with this past week. A small sample size that will allow a clear view of my amazing level of screw-upness. I'm a huge Star Trek fan, so at this point I must make an obligatory Star Trek comparison. As we all know, Captain Kirk is made of awesome. He reeks of it. I, like Captain Kirk, reek of awesome...awesome screw ups. Kirk made his fair share of mistakes (becoming an admiral and giving up command of the Enterprise *cough*) but I take the cake I think.

Obligatory reference over with, back to this week. It started out all right enough...for the first few hours anyway. The week starts on Sunday and for the first few hours I was awake Sunday, it was good stuff. Went to church, learned, had fun in Sunday School (Not Bridge Groups, Sunday School!), and generally felt the day was going well.

And then disaster struck; it's name...Sonics. Now, for those of you unfamiliar with the restaurant chain, Sonics is a drive in restaurant that sells burgers, hot dogs, french fries, onion rings, smoothies, milkshakes, ect. It's a great place, it's prices are decent, and it allows a lot of flexibility with the menu. Normally, a great place to eat.

Here's the issue; I can't do it anymore. I shouldn't do it anymore. Yet I did do it. Simply because of the fact I've basically given up all fast food, all junk food, all unhealthy crap (yes, crap, seriously, read the labels, do the research, when you wake up from fainting clean out your pantry and thank me later) and drinks (included in that my former love, sweet I miss you). I gave it up on July 25th, 2011-the day I decided to change my eating habits, my exercising habits, and basically how I lived. I'll devote some posts to it soon enough to explain the ins and outs, but it was a necessary and good change. It's worked and continues to work.

But it didn't work this week. I ate Sonics. I shouldn't have. I felt bad. Things would go downhill from there. Now, I know, eating Sonics doesn't seem like a huge issue...but it is. You see, eating Sonics and other fast food-other unhealthy food such as that-is what landed me at the unbelievably, cringe worthy weight of 267. Now, that's bad as a number for someone who is 5'8/5'9. I was way, way, overweight. I had been for years. Took that long to realize it. Bottom line, I remember that weight-I remember all the gory little details that keeps one up at night.

By changing my eating habits, my exercise habits, and committing myself to being healthier, I shed that weight in four months to be at 212. I shed that weight down in roughly a month and half to be down to 203 at the beginning this week. But Sonics was the first mistake-it wouldn't be the last.

It's a vicious cycle, habits. Good habits are, generally, good-unless you overdo it. Which I have a tendency to do. And bad habits are, generally, bad-even worse when you overdo it. Which I have a tendency to do. So, with that all said and done, you can predict what happened next, right?

That Sonics thing started back a bad habit-a long dormant bad habit that I had thought was gone. Unfortunately, bad habits have a tendency to stick around far, far longer than good ones. It had been months, literally months, since I indulged in any kind of fast food. So Sonics set off a chain reaction.

The entire week I would screw up repeatedly, over and over. "Why eat vegetables when cookies are available? It's the holidays, you can indulge a little." It's so, so easy to make excuses and I'm so, so good at it. So, that's what I did. I ate poorly all week long. I paid for it, gained a pound, and now sit here at 204. Not. Good.

But that was only the first salvo in my week. As the week progressed, I found myself becoming increasingly stressed because of the poor food choices. I knew I was making them, I knew I was doing something stupid, and I did it anyway. I felt bad. I felt stupid. I still did it. The fact that I couldn't stop myself was frustrating, infuriating, and stressful. So I started staying up, way, way late. Not midnight, 1 AM late, no more like 2-3 AM late. I woke up late. My bad habit of sleeping in well past the time I needed to started back up.

The lack of sleep stressed me out further. The more stressed I was, the more bad food choices I made. The more bad food choices I made, the more frustrated, infuriated, and stressed I felt. You see where this is going.

So, my week was a bad one. A frustrating one. A really, really dumb one. I made some stupid choices and I made them repeatedly, over and over. It wasn't even a trick question type of choice, it was a "Hey, this is the same choice as before...what you gonna do?" And I did the same thing.

Today, I made a stop to it. I had had enough. I made good choices most of the day food wise. I went out, played some basketball, and did some jogging. While out there I felt so, so much better...just getting all that negative energy and stress out. I won't lie, I was angry throughout the workout time. I was mad at myself.

You ever wish you could have an out of body experience just so you could punch yourself? I did while I was out there. I literally wanted to just deck myself for this past week. At the end of the workout, sucking wind like I do, "Hey, that's life" came to my mind as how to justify this past week.

It shouldn't be that way. I shouldn't be that way. Yet, I am, and it's tough to keep the good habits rolling while the bad ones lay in wait, just patiently watching for the right time to pounce. It's equal parts frustrating and fascinating, but I wish I could keep the good habits going. I wish I didn't have to worry about the bad ones.

Unfortunately, I have a condition called "Humanity" and I suffer from the inability to get rid of the bad stuff in me. I'm not talking about nutritional bad stuff or bad stuff we introduce into our bodies like drugs. I'm talking about the bad stuff I willing cultivate through my stupid choices. I hate that.

So, what's the bottom line here? "Hey, that's life" is no longer something I can use to justify my own mistakes or even the mistakes of others. Why sit back and just accept that? I did for years and I'm done. From now on, it's not "Hey, that's life." It's "Hey, that's you. You can change it. So get to it."

It's another day of me just living...and learning.

As always, any and all comments are welcome. Hope you enjoyed.

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