Well, 2014 is nearly here. I have to say, 2013 was not anything I'd expected. Better than 2012 in some respects but very poor in others. I can't begin to explain my thought processes on it all because, really, I don't know what to think other than "bad."
From a personal standpoint, the year was much better for me than 2012. I made some big decisions, achieved some goals, and managed to not backslide too much. I feel the year, as far as my personal development went, was a good one. I feel like I've grown.
But the growing isn't over. We're now at the point where I don't have much longer left in my 20s. Just a few short years from now and I'm in my 30s, officially. Which means that any of the crazy stuff I'd like to do (and can get away with because I'm a dumb 20-something) has to be done sooner rather than later.
This isn't to say I'm about to go off on some epic journey that will live in the annals of history. At least, not in any history book. But this year is a big one in terms of personal development and personal history. I've come to the conclusion that I need to rewire myself. At least attempt to, anyway. I have to go out on some limbs and do some things that I feel are risky.
As we all know at this point, risk-aversion is a trait that is very much ingrained in me. I don't like risks because risks are not part of the routine. They break things. They lead to memorable failures and infamy in some circles. I don't like that.
But I'm suspending this policy, at least in its current form. It's outdated and outmoded for this version of me.
Let me put it into terms I understand (and I hope you do as well): I need an update. Like Windows 8, I came out sleek and slim this year. I refined myself as I went along and got better at things. But I need to get back some of the old flair and not forget about my past. I need to tweak some things.
Here's the version history so far:
Zach 1.0-1.4 -- Basic Zach. Slow, not very efficient, a lot of flaws that overshadowed the potential. Not as slim or sleek as others, Zach 1.0 didn't have a lot to offer the market other than the hope that something better would evolve from him.
Zach 1.5 -- Zach decides to drop the bloatware (weight if you're following along), get sleek and slim, and become faster with more efficiency. 1.5 saw marked improvements in determination, goal achievement, benchmarks, and a greater awareness of himself overall. However, he lacked patience and overclocked his gallbladder, resulting in a stall.
Zach 1.6 -- After the stall, 1.6 saw a renewed sense of purpose and gained a greater understanding of his body. It still suffered from flaws such as pride, stubbornness, and extremism but these things were forgivable thanks to the continued progress from 1.5.
Zach 2.0 -- 2.0 saw him achieve his main goal and begin the process of fine-tuning the external user interface. A complete recoding of basic systems such as fashion choices, style, muscle definition, and accessorizing. Such a recoding was needed years ago and the developer finally got around to doing it, much to the appreciation of the few who had stuck with him all this time.
Zach 2.2-2.5 -- As he began to grow as a functional human being, Zach was plagued with questions greater than himself. He attempted to answer them in a number of ways but failed to find any solutions. He became stuck in a recurring loop of flawed logic and decisions, emphasizing his self-destructive tendencies and his three leading flaws.
Zach 2.6 -- A move to a new location allowed him to experience new things. The input helped finalize a coding change, allowing Zach to green light the update to Catholicism.
And now we've reached the new year (essentially) and it's time to declare my feelings on what's to come. Truthfully, I have no idea. But I'm continuously growing and I'm updating into something better I feel. Little by little. The conversion to Catholicism is underway and the main process will be completed this year (hopefully).
So, what am I aiming for in 2014? What's the big list of potential improvements to myself? Essentially, this year will be about rewiring myself to function differently. Internally, I'm a screwed up mess. The coding is pretty jumbled in a lot of spots, so to speak. But I want to change and I plan to this year. And I plan to do it by modeling myself after a certain Canadian character in a lot of ways. Sure, it's twisted, but I've been told to be more like him. So far, it kinda works.
Here's the list of things I want to accomplish in 2014 for myself:
1. Complete the conversion to Catholicism -- this is a life altering, game changing event for a reason. Everything that follows pretty much indirectly/directly relates to this. But this is the one thing that MUST be done this year.
2. Get therapy -- this has to happen and I figure I should do it ASAP. My internal processes are a jumbled up mess and I have to try and address it. Either I find some therapy group somewhere, a counselor, or someone to prescribe me drugs ... whatever the case, I can't go another year with my brain as out of control as it is.
3. Changing my hairstyle into this -- I've been told I can pull this look off. By the end of this month, I'll be sporting something like this, highlights and all. It's not something I do lightly, mind you. But I do want to try it. You're only young (and stupid) once.
4. Finish one of my novels -- too many sit there unfinished. Some are pretty close. Some are way far off. But I want to finish one. Just one.
5. Be bolder -- no more wringing my hands over whether I should do one thing or another. Just doing. More doing. If I screw up, so what? I can't screw it up the same way at least.
Those are my top five things. There are a number of secondary goals, but those are the ones that get top billing. As always, thanks for reading folks. Here's to a better year in 2014.