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Thursday, September 20, 2012

Prince William... Still Kinda Hate You

Do you folks remember my blog post way back in January on Prince William? Specifically, how his haircut was being forced on me as the only option I had to hide the fact that I was in the process of going a bit bald?

Well, I remember it. I was thinking earlier today on all the various things that I could do with my hair... if, you know, it wasn't falling out. Yet, it is falling out. I know it. My comb knows it. The drain knows it.  Prince William's haircut worked and now it seems as if it's the only one that'll work. I really, really, don't like that.

Back in January I decided to try and save my hair with Rogaine and a half decent haircut. The results were not as I wished it to be. Months of Rogaine produced little results and I gave it the heave ho right out the door. I'm done with trying to hide it or correct it. It's genetic. It can't be corrected, it can't really be hidden.

The last few months I've been doing without, keeping an eye (or eyes as it were) on my hair and wondering what to do with it. The simple comb over is still the best option at the moment, but it's now reached the point where my hair is long enough to demand a haircut. I know this because it no longer cooperates in the mornings... it merely lives as it's own entity, mocking me as I stare at it in the mirror trying to get it in some half decent shape.

Most mornings my hair wins. This isn't a huge deal, but at some point I'm going to have a social life and at some point I'm going to need a decent hair style. My options however... I don't know. They seem at once expansive and restrictive.

Oh, there have been suggestions of things. I could spike it up but that would require hair gel... I don't like hair gel. It's sticky, it's nasty, and it reminds me of things people stick on their food (condiments... I HATE condiments, particularly ketchup). It doesn't have a good "feel" to me and it just makes me feel.. yuck. No, hair gel is not for me. I don't like the stylistic spiked hair look anyway. "Damn it, Jim, I'm a young man, not a skewer!" (Obligatory Star Trek reference complete)

I'm 23, soon to be 24 in about three weeks. I'm getting to the point now where I can't get away with spiked hair anymore anyway. Why start that when the time for it has long since passed? True, I can wear the clothes associated with the spiked hair look now. I can fit into size 29 skater jeans (which means I can fit into anything in size 29 long pants). I'm not a skater though-went through that phase in fifth grade, wrecked a few times, got over it real fast. I was too large then to be riding a skateboard... the skateboard agreed and promptly broke in half after having me on it for awhile. Embarrassing, much.

So spiky hair, complete with lots of hair gel, out as far as options go.

"How about growing it out?" I say to myself. Long hair is sorta in, some people can pull it off. I, however, don't think I'm one of those people. My hair is a fine type of hair-thin, easy to pull out, and quite flexible. But at the length it's at now, it's pretty tough to maintain. Thinking about the maintenance with it longer gives me a headache. Of course I'm curious about the option... but not curious enough to go through with it.

Plus I'm not the type of person who justifies having long hair. I'm not a painter. I'm not a hippie. I don't play any musical instruments (minus one song on the harmonica, "Amazing Grace" and I do that rather poorly). I'm not a party guy. I don't do high traffic social scenes. I just don't have the credentials to be someone with long hair.

So, that is ruled out.

"How about a dye job? Give your hair some color, some pizazz," part of me suggests. The option has merit, certainly. I have a number of friends, male and female, who have dyed their hair with relative success and it has given them that "fresh" look that I'm craving at the moment. It's different, it's out there, it's radical for me-remember, I'm an Air Force brat. I know only a few ways to do hair and dye is not one of them.

Of course, there's the thing about all the chemicals in those dyes. One of the reasons I was glad to give the Rogaine up so quickly was because of all the stuff in it-I didn't want that in me, in any way. It just seemed... dangerous in some respects. I've taken to reading the back of everything now, looking for clues as to what's actually in the stuff and if it's harmful in anyway. This applies to foods as well as anything else. Lots of times, I like to play it safe and just avoid the things I deem risky.

But I'm looking for a fresh look. I need a shakeup, a change, a shock to the system I guess. I'm tired of my hair being the only thing on me that's been left unchanged since my dramatic weight loss. I'm thinner now, I have new clothes, I have new shorts/jeans, and I even have a new jacket. These things I possess... yet the hair on top of my head is still the same hair that was there this time last year.

Sure, I still have nasty reminders of my previous life scattered throughout my body (here's looking at you nasty sagging skin on my stomach and multiple stretch marks all over my sides... *sigh*) but those can be covered up. As a friend once told me, clothes hide a multitude of sins.

But there's no hiding my hair or how it just seems to be... there. Not really doing much. Not really saying much. Just going with the flow and being part of the overall me without any contributions to the whole (The Borg Collective would take an issue with this just like me). Other than "I'm falling out, eat it you loser!" which isn't a contribution so much as a mean taunt.

"But you can wear a hat!" Part of me insists. That's true, I can... but I only wear hats when required. Mowing the lawn on a really sunny day? Done. Going to a baseball game? Done. Heading out into the rain? Done. Wearing a hat just to cover up your unsatisfactory hair? No.

I view that as the cowards way out. I acknowledge I did try that a few years back-bought a Walmart fedora and used it as my going out hat... but it quickly got rained on, a bit ruined, and now it's more my fishing hat than anything else. It's been properly screwed up and now has a place in my life, whereas before it was new and didn't fit (I mean that literally, the hat was too small for my big fat head then. Now, it fits fine as my head has shrunk a lot since I got it).

I'm not the type of guy who can pull off the fedora look anyway. I wish I were-I know a few of those guys, I love that look, but I know I can't do it. Hats are not a consistent part of my wardrobe. Investing in a good one MIGHT change that but I doubt it. I have many, many hats. Many of them Florida Gator hats; the extras of which I keep in the back of my car in case someone needs some rain or sun protection (making it a Win-Win for everyone: They get to wear the hats and I have people thinking I'm strolling around with a Florida Gator posse).

The hat, it's not for me. So that leaves... what, exactly?

This is where I find myself. Next week I'm going to get a haircut. Not sure when. Not sure where. But I'm going to get a haircut and it's going to be something different/fresh/new.

It will not be Prince William's haircut despite the fact that it works. I'm done with him. I tried it, it worked, but it wasn't a change so much as a surrender. I hate surrender. For one, the word sucks to say, and two it's just not fun to be a part of.

I need a new hair style. I will be devoting a significant chunk of time researching this issue in the coming days. I'm not looking forward to what I'll find. Let's face it, typing into Google "Hair styles for balding men?" is really, really depressing. And it sucks.

But this is a necessary step in the rebuilding of me. The new me is undefined, it is raw, it is full of potential, and I won't have my uncooperative hair holding me back. The various issues I have across my body visually thanks to the weight loss will likely not go away (little progress has been made in that respect). I've come to accept that. It's not like I'm getting naked for anyone anytime soon anyway, so if I can deal with it then that's all that matters.

What is always seen is my hair and that needs a change. A dramatic one, I think. But again, I'm not sure where to go with that. Dye? It's an option, one that I like more than others simply because of the fact I can buy the stuff and (supposedly) do it myself. However, I'm likely to screw that up and the results would be humorous. They would also likely be horrifying but it would bring a smile to someone's face (not mine initially, unless I had a few glasses of wine before hand which might explain why the dye job went so horribly wrong to begin with in this scenario).

I'm willing to listen to any and all suggestions as I'm at a loss as to what to do here.

And Prince William... I hope your kid gets the balding gene that way, by the time he's nearly 24 like me, he too can suffer the indignity of typing into Google "Hair styles for balding men?"

That's all I have to say about that (hey, is that a Forrest Gump reference? Yes it is).

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